Dare to Say No
Do you struggle with saying “No”? Especially to the people you love?
Do you feel it’s inappropriate to say “No” to people asking for your time?
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you feel that you are taken for granted?
It is easy to say “Yes” to everyone asking for your time; if you don’t have a clear vision with a set of goals guiding your life;
If you don’t have a clear plan with a set of actions need to be done;
If you don’t have a schedule that you discipline yourself to follow.
People say Yes for many reasons, sometimes because they are raised thinking that saying yes will make everyone love them and people always look for love. Also, sometimes because to be described as kind, helpful, caring, etc.
People say Yes because their fear of being rejected, they are afraid of being dislikeable, described as unkind, selfish, impolite, self-centred.
Saying Yes to any request while ignoring your schedule, plans and goals will lead you to future resentment, what always happened especially with people pleasers is that they say yes for any request and then they feel that they are taken for granted, then the cycle of disappointments, regret starts.
It’s time to change these wrong beliefs, setting your priorities and acting accordingly is not selfish, refusing to do what you dislike is not impolite, having your time respected from others is your right, because your time is precious and it’s time to start thinking of yourself, your priorities and your life goals.
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Say “No” to any kind of distraction:
It’s okay to say No to any kind of distractions when you are busy doing any scheduled task or work commitment, like saying no to the unscheduled phone calls, friends outing requests, social media distractions
You don’t have to feel shy or guilty saying No and remember how many times you asked for your friends time and it was okay for you to hear their “No” or their apologies for not being able to join you, so it’s okay to put yourself as a priority.
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Say “No” to the gossips, small talks, and judging others:
Instead of spending the time on nonsense talks, you can focus on the meaningful interactions that make you engage more with other people on a deeper level, to build emotional connections, and to have an interesting learning experience.
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Say “No” to Anything You Don’t Feel Like Doing:
Don’t be a follower to other’s desires or preferences, do only what you feel like to do, and say “No” also to the places you are not comfortable being in, especially if it’s not aligned with your principles or values, don’t be afraid to be left behind, because the people who are not respecting your preferences and not accepting you the way you are, don’t deserve your friendship.
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Say “No” to The Opportunities That Don’t Fit You:
You don’t need to respond to every opportunity that comes across you, you need only to choose the opportunities that are suitable for at a certain time, so you won’t distract yourself from your goal.
The good opportunity is the one that serves your current goal and comes at the right time and is better than the other opportunities.
Tips and Techniques on How To Say “No” Gently, Without Feeling Guilty
- Saying “No” is a complete sentence
Say No without providing a dissertation on why you are saying no, you don’t need to explain and provide reasons every time you want to say No, and practice being assertive, not aggressive.
- Say “No”, gently
There are lots of gentle ways on how to say No gently like:
I am afraid I can’t do it today, maybe we can do it another day
Thank you for your kind invitation, I wish I could
I would love but I am already overcommitted
Maybe next time
- Offer an alternative
If you are busy at a certain time and a friend asked to meet you, you can offer meeting him or her at another time, or when a friend invites you to a smoking place or a bar and you don’t prefer being in such places, and you would love to spend time with this person, you can offer meeting him/her in a different place.
- Saying “No” needs practice
It’s not easy to say “No” especially for the people pleaser, but it’s like any skill, you just need to practice it many times and then you will feel comfortable saying it, and you can start practising alone before confronting people especially at the beginning by imaging the scenarios and how you are going to say no without feeling guilty.
- Having clear goals scheduled with a time frame
It is so helpful for those who find it difficult to say no, that they start to abide themselves with a strict schedule although this is not a complete solution, however, it is one important step for if you don’t have a schedule, you will be following others schedules.